My every day is a big, fat lie. I smile to pretend I’m not completely broken, and I laugh to cover up the pain, but at the end of the night I can’t deny that I’m breaking more, and more, piece, by piece every day. What can I do about it? I can’t talk to anyone about it because no one cares enough to listen. I can’t write it in a journal cause the words won’t come. I can Barely write this with out struggling with putting my fucked up emotions for every one to see, but someone needs to know. I’m so close to the edge I can feel the bone crushing reality of that final push, and hitting the hard bottom. It seems like every one I’ve ever loved has left me, screwed me over, don’t care, or they don’t see the feelings I’m hiding. So what do you do when you know your crumbling and you can’t even stop it because your still trying to pretend everything’s ok. What else is there to do besides bury the feelings and live as a crushed soul in a body. I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to feel sad anymore. Do I really deserve to feel this bad about my self? I guess this is my punish meant for thinking I could be happy for more then a week. But I guess this is life. If this is heaven, then fuck I don’t want to know hell.